


You Will Always Be My Only One

by JustMeCelia



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-03-04 22:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3095747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustMeCelia/pseuds/JustMeCelia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College AU: Let’s all pretend that Amy and Karma did date after the kiss at the assembly and let’s pretend they didn’t fake the relationship.<br/>Amy and Karma went through a rough break up in the end of junior year and haven’t talked ever since. In senior year Amy started to date Reagan and their relationship still grows stronger. Now they find themselves as college roommates and things get complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an introduction chapter, there isn’t much plot, that will come with the next chapters. The story tells their college story and how their relationship went in the form of flashbacks. Almost every chapter will have a flashback. I hope you’ll like the introduction, please let me know what you think about this story.

Karma POV

I get out of my car. My parents gave it to me for graduation. I sigh deep and look at the building. I still can’t believe I’m finally done with high-school and never have to see those faces again. After the breakup with Amy everything got weird. I was friends with Liam, but Shane hated me, for whatever reason, I didn’t do anything. It was all her fault.

I walk up to the first person who seems like they know what’s going on. “Hey, can you maybe help me? I have no clue where I have to go.”

The girl turns around. She has red hair, green eyes and full lips. Her outfit says business and she smiles at me. “Maybe I can. You’re a freshman, right? Give me your papers and I think I can show you around. I’m Hanna by the way.”

I smile back at her, wow she seems really nice. “Thanks, here you go.” I hand her my paper stuff. “I’m Karma.”

She looks at the paper and then back at me. “What a beautiful name, I bet you family is full of hippies.” She winks at me. “And yes, I can actually help you. Let me show you to the staff members of the university you have to see and then I can show you your dorm room.”

She starts to walk in one direction and I follow her. “Thank you so much, I hope I’m not keeping you from something important.”

She looks up from the paper again and smiles. “What? No! I love procrastination, I would do something productive and who would want that?”

I let out a chuckle and keep following her.

After we talked to all the important people she leads me to my room. It’s a two bed room and my roommate hasn’t arrived yet.

“Lucky, you got a big room.” She nudges my shoulder and walks into the room. “Do you have another task for me? I don’t want to go back to my studies, not yet.”

She pouts a bit and I start to laugh. “What are you even studying?”

She sits down on one of the beds and looks at the ceiling. “I’m a sophomore in Literary Studies, what about you?”

I sit down on the other bed and start to smile. “I’m a freshman, as you already know, in English Literature. So if I have any problem with my studies you might help me?” I stick out my tongue in her direction and she breathes out a laughter.

“Sure, I will, but I don’t have good grades, trust me.”

I sigh and then I remember, “Actually, if you don’t mind I have another task for you. Can you help me get my stuff from my car?”

She looks at me, still with this bright smile. “Sure! How could I say no to that irresistible offer?”

I get up and clap my hands. “Great, let’s go then.”

When my stuff is in the room, I start to unpack. Of course Hanna helps me to decorate my part of the room. When we’re set she says her goodbye, but not without leaving me her number to call if I have any problem. I’m really glad I met her, I didn’t think I would find a friend that quickly. But I’m also curious who’s gonna be living with me. I hope she’s easy to cope with, but after being with Amy for over a year, I can handle a lot, so I shouldn’t worry. But now I feel kinda gross, all that walking and carrying stuff made me icky and sweaty. I think it’s time for a shower.

Amy POV

I got out of my mother’s car and look at the building. University of Texas. I still think it’s amazing that I don’t have to move far away from my family. Ever since senior year I grew really close to Lauren and my mother. It’s fascinating what a breakup can do for your life. The moment I think about her again I pull a face.

“Don’t you like it? I think it looks amazing.” Bruce gets my cases from the trunk and hands them to me.

“No it looks amazing, I just thought of somebody.”

My mother pats my back and looks at me with a sympathetic expression. “You’re sure you don’t want to live with us anymore? You feel so much safer at home than somewhere else.”

I grab the cases and start to walk towards the entry. “Yeah I’m sure, one day or the other I have to move out. I can’t live with you for the rest of my life.”

“She’s kinda right, darling.” Bruce is almost always with me on stuff like that, but mostly because my mother is delusional.

We find the people responsible for my registration fairly quickly what is all in my interest, since they took so freaking much time bringing Lauren to the airport. I mean come on, yeah she’s leaving for NYU, but it’s not like it’s the first time. She’s a sophomore, I’m a freshman, I have to get used to this whole thing. I told them they didn’t have to come with me, but they wanted to. We search quite a while for my dorm room, and we don’t seem to find it.

After what feels like hours, I finally ask a girl if she could help us, she didn’t seem to be in a rush. She has strawberry blonde curls and piercing green eyes. Soft freckles cover her nose and she tilts her head slightly as she looks at the dorm number and stuff. There was a sudden smile on her face and she looks up.

“Your room is right over there, and trust me, you will love your roommate, she’s amazing.” She winks at me and walks off.

“Now that’s good news, isn’t it?”

I turn to my mother and glare at her. “We’ll see, I still don’t know why I couldn’t have a room to myself, but whatever.”

She sighs deeply and shakes her head slightly. “We both know that you would only stay in your room and never talk to anybody else if you had a room to yourself.”

She is right. “But that’s only because I find smalltalk ridiculous and redundant. I don’t get why I even have to talk to people when I have the internet.”

My mother starts to push me forward in the direction the girl showed us until we stand right in front of the room.

“Fine, you can go now.”

My mother and Bruce look at each other for a moment and then at me. “Are you sure? We would love to meet your roommate.”

“And I bet my roommate would love to meet my weird parents who ruin every situation with inappropriate behavior.” I roll my eyes and they look at each other again.

“Fine, we’ll leave you here.” My mother sighs again and pulls me in for a hug. “I’ll miss you sweetie, call me if anything is wrong, you know we’re only a few miles away from you.”

I resist the urge to roll my eyes, because Bruce is watching me teary eyed and I don’t want to ruin the moment we should have. I pull away gently and walk over to Bruce who gives me a quick hug.

“Keep a stiff upper lip, my dear.”

“Sure will, no worries.”

They walk away and when they’re out of sight I finally enter the room. My roommate is in the shower, I can hear the water running, so I bring all my stuff inside. When I take a look around my breath hitches. A familiar guitar leans against the bed, a poster of the horoscope cycle hangs on the wall and on the dresser lies a floral dress that is also oddly familiar.

“Fuck.” I whisper under my breath. The water stops running and I start to panic. This can’t be happening, no this isn’t real. Please no. Not here, not when I finally thought I left everything behind.

The bathroom door opens and she walks in, in only a towel, damp auburn hair falling down her shoulders. She hasn’t seen me, but she acknowledged my presence.

“Oh, so you’re my new roommate, so nice to meet you I’m karm…” The moment she turns around her voice is stuck in her throat and we stare at each other for what feels like forever. “You have to be fucking kidding me.” She finally says and turns around. “No, this isn’t happening, you’re not my roommate. Show me your files, this can’t be right.”

We walk to our desks where we both put our files and compare the room number. “Identical,” I say and she glares at me.

“Great, now I’m stuck with you.”

I sigh and turn to her. “Good to see you, too, Karma.”

* * *

 

_Amy turned the corner and stopped in her tracks. This was the first time they decided to take their relationship to the public. She saw her beautiful girlfriend standing at her locker, getting her books and thought to herself how she deserved such a beautiful lady._

_After the kiss at the assembly they decided to try it for real, but Amy wasn’t sure it was a good idea to test their friendship like that. She made her way over to Karma and placed her hands on her waist making her jump._

“ _Gosh Amy, can you not? You know I don’t like stuff like that.” Karma said behind a giggle while she turned around to greet her girlfriend._

_Karma gave Amy a soft but quick kiss on the lips and rested her arms on her girlfriend’s neck. Amy lingers there for another second with closed eyes._

Wow, I can’t believe this girl is my girlfriend now, no faking, nothing, _she thought._

“ _Good to see you too, Karma,” she said with a huge grin on her face, ignoring all the staring people around them._

_This was the beginning of quite a story._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda a slow start into the story, the problems Karma and Amy will have with each other, and the flashback is how they got together^^

Amy POV

“Seriously though, if there weren't these cute summer dresses in the drawers, I would think you're just telling me you had a roommate.” Reagan stands in front of Karma's dresser and looks through her things while I'm doing my homework.

“Rea, could you stop that? She'll see that someone went through her stuff and she'll kill me.” I don't look up from my stuff.

“Why is she never here anyway?” She strolls over to my bed and sits down next to me, taking my textbook.

Well every time I mention Reagan, Karma flees the scene. Not that we talk much anyway, she only sits here and plays guitar while I read, or we both watch the same show, but on a different laptop. Some people might call that silly, but what can we do when we watch the same shows?

“I don't know, she's a busy girl I guess.” I put down my pen and turn my body in her direction. “Why do you care anyway?”

She sighs and starts to pout. “I just want to know the person you live with, if I need to worry or something.”

I clasp my hand on hers and chuckle lightly. “You really don't need to worry, she's no competition for you.” I lean closer to her so that our faces are only inches apart. “Besides, I'm kinda glad she's not here right now.”

One of her hands wanders to my neck, ready to pull me in. “Yeah? And why is that?” I can feel her smirk, that's how close we are right now.

“Because I want you all to myself.” And with that I close the distance between us and capture her lips with mine. The kiss is soft and I want to keep it that way, since Karma could come in any second. Her fingernails scratch lightly over the skin of my neck and it sends shivers down my spine.

I pull away from her before things get any more heated. “I'm glad I'm with you, you know? I feel kinda safe with you around.” I smile at her, cupping her cheek.

Karma POV

“So what you're saying is, that your roommate is your ex girlfriend?” Hanna sits next to me in the library, frowning. It's the second day of class and I'm already annoyed to death that Amy is my roommate. Why the hell did that happen to me?

“Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. And it's so exhausting.” I bury my face in my hands and let out a deep breath.

“Okay,” Hanna begins, tapping her pencil against her head, “have you tried switching rooms with someone?”

I look up at her and roll my eyes, “Obviously. But I can't until someone wants to switch with me.” Yesterday a bunch of people wanted to switch, because they saw Amy and thought they might have a fun college experience with her, but I kinda don't want so many girls pining after her, Reagan is enough for now. And for some reason I don't want to change rooms at all, even though I don't get why.

“Look honey, you need to see the positive, you already know your roommate. No awkward getting-to-know-each-other-phase, no weird habits you have to find out and stuff like that. My roommate and I didn't get along in the beginning, but now we get along just fine. At least try to find something positive.”

She's right, at least in some way. We know all our habits, we know each other for about 13 years, we know everything there is to know.

She looks at her watch. “Hey I gotta go now, but if you wanna come along feel free to.” Her voice has this expectant tone to it and I'm not sure if she expects me to accept or to decline.

I do what I always do. “Oh no, I have things to do in the room. See you later.”

She nods, her expression hints disappointment, but I'm not sure. She gets up says goodbye and walks away.

Should I really go back to the room? I know that Reagan is there and for the last 3 days I tried my best to stay away from her, I don't even know if she knows who I am. Has Amy told her that I'm her ex? Does she know about me in general? Or does Amy just keep her mouth shut about everything concerning her past, including me?

I should go and introduce myself, my parents taught me to be polite, and one day I'll have to meet her. She's my roommates girlfriend. I cringe at that thought, but gather my things anyway and walk to my dorm.

When I'm outside I can hear voices talking, one voice is clearly Amy the other one is rasp and low, must be Reagan's.

“Why do I never see your roommate? Doesn't she like lesbians?” So Amy didn't tell her who I am. Oh that'll be fun.

“I don't know, she keeps herself busy. And trust me, she has nothing against girl on girl, and neither have I.” The next sound I hear is a giggle and I can feel my face pulling a disgusted expression. Maybe I should come back another time. But wait, this would be more embarrassing for Amy than for me, so here we go, let's meet Reagan.

Amy POV

Fuck it, I'm done being scared if Karma comes inside, she never does. I'm about to pull Reagan on my lap when the door swings open and Karma marches in. She has the best timing.

_Oh fuck_. My eyes widen and I push Reagan from my lap. _Karma is here_. Karma is here right now, now I have to explain everything, and I really don't want to. Reagan is such a jealous nature and Karma is such a tease, she'll have fun with that.

“How's it going?” Karma lets herself fall on her bed, and looks at us, grinning.

Reagan, still a bit startled from my reaction to Karma coming in, sits up straight and smiles a warm smile. “Hey, I'm Reagan, Amy's girlfriend. You must be her roommate.” She looks at Karma for a moment and suddenly an eyebrow shoots in the air. “Wait, don't I know you from somewhere? Didn't you go to Hester with Amy?”

Karma's grin turns into a smirk and she tilts her head looking at me. “Reagan, such a nice name. Amy, does she know me from somewhere?”

I run my hand through my hair and regret it instantly. Both know that it's what I always do when I'm nervous or about to confess something. Karma looks at me so satisfied, whereas Reagan narrows her eyes at me, trying to figure out the situation.

“Eh, yeah, I guess you've seen her around Hester.” I say.

Reagan nods and turns to Karma. “So how long have you two known each other?”

Karma's look wanders from Reagan to me again, that annoying smirk still playing on her lips. “Oh just about thirteen years or something, really not that long.” She winks at Reagan and lies down on her bed, her arms folded behind her head.

“Thirteen years?” Reagan frowns at me. “That's a crazy long time! So you two are close?”

Karma snorts, trying to suppress a laughter and I glare at her. Not that she cares, she can't see me anyway.

“We were close. And because she's not gonna introduce herself, this is Karma.” I point at her and she waves a hand in the air.

Reagan looks at her and turns to me again. “Karma? Shane once mentioned a Karma and you told him to shut up.”

Karma lifts her head up from her mattress. “Nice one, Raudenfeld. Didn't tell your girlfriend about your ex.”

I glare at her again, this time she sees me and shrugs with this satisfied smile. Gosh I hate her, why does she have to say that she's my ex? I never told Reagan about her for certain reasons.

“Your what?” And here we go, jealous Reagan in 3, 2, 1. “You've never told me about your ex who you know for 13 years, so you guys were what? Best friends?”

“Somehow, yeah.” I shrug, looking to the ground. It doesn't matter what I do now, she's mad at me.

“And now this ex is your roommate and you fucking didn't tell me? Why the hell didn't you tell me when I asked you how your roommate is?!” She stood up from the bed while she was talking and is fuming right now. “Sometimes I really can't believe that you do stuff like that, you know? You always kept your past from me and I thought you had this psycho ex girlfriend or something, turns out she's just a normal hippie girl.”

I sigh and look at her. “You've known her for what? 2 minutes? How can you be sure that she's not a psycho?”

Karma props up her head again. “Eh excuse you? I can hear you, you know?”

I wave her off and get up so she looks me in the eyes.

Karma POV

“I haven't told you about her because she's in the past, and you're my present, my future, okay?” There's a sting in my ribcage and I don't want it there. For a split second I can see a shift in Amy's look. The look of uncertainty when she talks about the future. She never talked about the future other than that we'll grow old together.

Reagan looks at her for a few moments, saying nothing, then Amy speaks again. “You know that I love you and I care about you, trust me when I say this. You don't have to worry about Karma being my roommate, there is nothing going on anymore, okay?”

The brunette sighs and looks down. “Fine, I believe you.” Then she turns to me. “But if you're trying anything with my girl then I'll cut you.”

I wave her off with a snort. “Please, not in a million years will I get back together with her.”

She raises an eyebrow at me, but turns back to Amy anyway. “I have to go now, got some work to do. I'll call you when I'm done, okay?” Amy nods and they lean in. I shut my eyes right before their lips touch, I really don't want to see that. Ugh, disgusting.

When Reagan is gone Amy glares at me again. “Thank you very much.”

I shrug and look at the ceiling. “It's not my fault that you don't tell your girlfriend anything.”

She stands in front of me with her arms crossed. “You know, I wanted to tell her and just haven't worked out how. Now I have to deal with her, because she's still pissed.”

“Still not my fault,” I say closing my eyes in the hope that she'll go away then.

“Why do you have to do that?”

“What?” I open one eye to look at her.

“Being so annoying and try to complicate my life?” Her expression is serious and her eyes narrowed.

“I didn't do anything, Amy. All I did was walking into my room. I live here, I'm allowed to do that.” I close my eye again, she is really getting on my nerves right now, I only want to lie here and do nothing is that too much to ask?

“You asked for it, Ashcroft,” she says and I hear her walking away, and shortly after that her bed springs, “you'll see what you get from messing with me.”

If my eyes were open I'd roll them.

* * *

 

_Amy couldn't sleep, every time she closed her eyes she thought about that kiss. How Karma's lips felt on hers, how fireworks exploded behind her eyelids and how her stomach turned, but in a good way. All she wanted was to feel it again._

_But there was also a question on her mind: Did Karma feel the same?_

_She could just call her, see if she's awake, but there was no way she could bring up that courage to ask her about the kiss._

_Little did she know, that Karma felt exactly the same and mentally slapped herself multiple times for what she said right after the kiss._

“ _Way to sell it.”_

Who the fuck says something like that? _She thought._

_She already came to the terms that her reaction was an act to protect herself. Acting as if she didn't care that her best friend of ten years just kissed her. She couldn't admit that there was something in that kiss, she couldn't be vulnerable, not in front of all those people. And she clearly couldn't admit the shivers that came with the sensation of Amy's courage and that kiss. But she still hated herself for chickening out like that afterward._

_But, what did Amy think?_

_Karma couldn't take it anymore, she had to do something and grabbed her phone from the nightstand._

_K 1:56am: Are you awake?_

_She didn't have to wait long for an answer._

_A 1:57am: Yeah, what's up?_

Okay let's not screw this up, this is crucial _, Karma thought._

_K 1:59am: Why are you still up?_

_A 2:00am: I could ask you the same question ;)_

_Karma chuckled to herself and shook her head._

_K 2:02am: I can't sleep. Too much on my mind._

_A 2:03am: Same. Wanna tell me what's in that pretty head of yours?_

_Karma took a deep breath and considered her options. She could just tell Amy the truth, she could tell her it's nothing, or she could just tell a lie. But she could never lie to Amy, it's Amy after all._

_K 2:07am: It's kinda complicated, do you mind me stopping by?_

_This time it took Amy longer to reply._

_A 2:15am: It's really late, but sure, text me when you're there._

_Karma hurried, she almost ran to Amy's house. It's a good thing they didn't live far apart._

_After almost ten minutes Amy's phone chimed._

_K 2:22am: I'm here._

_Amy walked downstairs to open the door for Karma. She stood in front of the door with a confused, puppy like expression. Her eyes were wide, but her forehead was furrowed. After a second Amy mirrored the expression and they just stood there for a while, both not saying anything._

“ _I think we should talk,” Karma finally said._

_Amy invited her in and they walked to her room, what once was comfortable silence now grew to awkward silence between them. After she closed her door she turned to Karma, her face showed fear of what her best friend had to say._

_Karma cleared her throat. “You know how we always say that we're soul mates?” Amy nodded. “And how we want to grow old together, live next to each other and all those shenanigans?” She nodded again. “I don't know, Amy, maybe we really are soul mates.”_

_Amy frowned and shook her head. “Of course we are, were you ever doubting that?”_

_Karma breathed out a soft laughter. “Never. But you know, that kiss...” She trailed off, but Amy knew exactly what she meant._

“ _You felt it, too?” The blonde asked, her eyes brightened and her face beaming._

_Her best friend just nodded and Amy stepped closer, taking her hand. “But what if this doesn't work out? I mean we're best friends, if this doesn't work out, then we'll hate each other and we'll never talk again.” Karma said, staring at their conjoined hands._

_Amy just smiled at her. “And what if it does?”_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma and Amy's general way of living together, and a Reamy date.   
> The flashback is their exporation of PDA^^ (nothing heavy)

Amy POV

It's Thursday afternoon and I'm finally done with my last lecture for today. I'm not so sure anymore if law was the right decision and it's not even the end of the first week. Maybe Reagan was right and I should've studied film or something. Maybe becoming a director, the one who changes how people see the world. But yeah, I could never do that, whatever.

I walk into the room to see Karma playing on her guitar. Great, yet another day filled with music, her music, the music she makes all day. I take a deep breath and walk over to my desk and sit down. I could try to study. Or not, I'm really not in the mood anymore, this whole college thing is really getting to me. Whatever, I can at least pretend to study, right? I pull out a sheet of paper and a text book and start to doodle on the paper. I mean it's not like Karma pays any attention to me anyway.

This goes on for like ten minutes, but now I remember I wanted to text Reagan to see if we're still on for tonight. She ignored most of my texts in the last days, but she agreed to going out tonight. She's still upset over the whole Karma thing and who can blame her? I really messed up that one.

A 5:15pm: So what do you think about dinner tonight? If we're still on for date night …

R 5:17pm: sure. Tell me when and where.

Ugh, she sounds pissed, maybe today won't be the perfect day to make it up to her, but at least I could explain my intentions, right?

A 5:18pm: Great! There is a really cool place … wait I'll send you the details

I found this place not far from the campus so I send her the website, she's sometimes a bit skeptical with restaurants around here. Maybe that's because she's a caterer, but I don't mind that.

It takes her a while to respond, but she finally does.

R 5:30pm: fine. I'll be there at 7

Good, that gives me some time to get ready. I look over at Karma who's still playing on her guitar. I know the song, but I can't place it. She hasn't even looked at me once since I came in.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer.” Karma still doesn't look up from her guitar.

“What?” I shake my head quickly and frown a bit.

Then she finally looks at me. “You're staring, it's annoying.” And with that she goes back to playing her guitar.

“Well you playing the guitar all day is also annoying, could you please stop?” Okay to be fair, it doesn't really bother me, but she keeps nagging on me for everything, that's annoying, and I'm not even doing anything.

Karma POV

“I could,” I say, a small smirk playing on my lips, “but where would be the fun in listening to you?”

She just rolls her eyes and turns away from me again to write stuff on her sheet. Okay let's be real for a second, how can she study so much? I mean seriously, I can only study when the sun is down, but she literally came in here from a lecture and now she's studying already.

In general she kinda acts weird, she tries to have witty comebacks, but she doesn't. That's so not Amy. Maybe that's the relationship with Reagan, who knows. Why should I care anyway, it's way more pleasant when she doesn't have sarcastic comments for everything.

I feel my phone vibrate next to me, it's a text from Hanna.

H 5:35pm: Wanna go out tonight?

K 5:36pm: Not really feeling it …

H 5:37pm: You can't stay in you room forever

H 5:37pm: Plus my friends think you're not real

I chuckle at her last text. She always tries it, to get me outside and meet her friends. I don't get why she always wants me to meet them. I will eventually, but not in the first week, I need to feel like home in my dorm room. I mean I already feel like home in the library, because that's the place I spend most of my time in, especially when I'm with Hanna.

K 5:22pm: How about going out tomorrow night? It's Friday and I bet there are freshmen parties you want me to go to.

H 5:23pm: There are parties all day every day in the first week

H 5:24pm: but tomorrow sounds great!

I put my phone away again and decide to take the guitar in my hands once more, this time just playing tunes without singing. Amy looks at me with a weird expression.

“What?” I ask, my voice comes out rather harsh.

“Nothing,” she says, a grin creeping up on her face. “Seems like you have found someone. Is it that redhead? The one who follows you everywhere?”

Here we go again, I'm in a good mood one time and I already have “found someone”. Ugh, can't she grow up? “I'm sorry that I have friends that actually want to hang out with me.” I start to play louder again, I hate it when she is like that.

“God, don't take everything so personal.” she pauses for a second. “Why don't you invite her here tonight?”

“So that you can make stupid comments about her?” I scoff. “No thanks.”

She shakes her head and wears a genuine smile. “Oh don't worry, I won't be here tonight.”

Why does she want me to invite Hanna here? I always see her, why would Amy care when? I don't get it. But wait, she's not gonna be here tonight? That means she's actually going on a date that won't be in our dorm room, that's a first. That means I have the room to myself tonight, which is amazing, then I can finally breath for a second.

But then again, she might be gone for the whole night and for some reason ties that thought a knot in my stomach.

“So I'm gonna get ready, try not do burn down the room while I'm gone.” Amy's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. She gets up and goes to the bathroom. She used to say that when she went traveling without me, which wasn't very often, but when they did a family vacation or anything and I didn't come along, she said that. It's weird to hear her say it now.

I continue to play some tunes, maybe I could go back to writing songs again. Maybe even tonight, I mean I have time, so why not?

I let my fingers run over the neck of my guitar on the search for a good melody to start a song. I used to improvise on the guitar a lot in sophomore year, and it feels pretty good to do it again. I feel a smile spread on my face while I continue to find the perfect sound. The riffs come almost naturally and I form a melody in my mind before I play it out. I close my eyes and my thoughts start to wander off to the possible lyrics and themes the song could be. Even though I'm wearing the biggest smile right now, the music is melancholic, almost depressing, but oh so beautiful. I'm impressed by myself and that I can come up with it so easily.

I have a perfect melody formed when I hear the bathroom door open and as a reflex I look up. Now that was a mistake. I instantly stop playing and can't help it, I just have to stare at her. She's dressed simple, a black top with a gray flannel over it and ripped jeans. Her hair flows in soft waves down her shoulders and her natural make-up is all it takes to put me in awe.

She searches through her stuff and when she gathered everything she turns to me. Just like a teenage girl who was caught staring at a cute boy from her class, I quickly turn my gaze away from her. I can see her smile in the corner of my eye. Fuck.

“Do I look good?” She has a daring tone in her voice.

“Meh.” As if I tell her that she looks amazing, I mean, really? What does she expect?

“Great, so I'm gonna head out now, have fund doing whatever tonight.” And with that she's out the door, much to my relief without expecting an answer.

I shake my head and shake off the thought of Amy and Reagan on a date. There's a new melody in my head right now, or well, it's not new. I know this melody very well, but in order to get it out off my head again, I need to sing it. I play the first chord.

“ _And truth be told I miss you  
and truth be told I'm lying.”_

Amy POV

I decided to walk to the restaurant, okay I didn't really decide to do that, but I was anxious to ask her if she could pick me up. Reagan is somehow still upset over the Karma thing and I'm gonna fix it tonight.

When I arrive at the restaurant she stands there leaning against her truck, her arms crossed and one leg propped against the wheel. I walk up to her with a smile.

“Hey,” I greet her. When I lean in for a kiss she moves her head so that I kiss her cheek. Okay so she's definitely pissed and I get that. I should've told her.

“Hey.” So at least she's still talking to me, that's a good sign. “Let's go inside, I'm starving.” To my surprise she takes my hand in hers and I think I can see a little smile playing on her lips.

We walk inside and take our seats, I'm really trying tonight, so I open the door for her, pull out her chair and all that stuff and it works. Everytime she looks at me her smile grows wider.

“By the way you look stunning tonight.” She always does. It doesn't matter what she wears, she can wear everything. God, this girl has me whipped.

“Oh you just say that so I'll forgive you.” She rolls her eyes playfully and tries to suppress a smile.

“No I'm serious, I don't tell you enough how beautiful you are.” I take her hand over the table, but she pulls it away and avoids my eyes. I take a deep breath. “Look, I know you're still mad, but let me explain, okay? Please just let me explain, you can ask any question you want, you know I won't lie to you.”

Her head wipes is my direction. “You won't lie to me?” Her voice is harsh and cold. “I asked you so often about your roommate and now I find out that you know her for 10 years.” She pauses. “And that she's been you first girlfriend. Good one, Amy, really.” She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow.

“Okay okay, that wasn't my best moment, but it wasn't really easy to tell you. I'm really sorry that I hurt you and you know that.” I try to reach for her, but the waiter approaches our table to take our orders.

After he's gone, Reagan sighs. “Explain then. I'd love to know why you didn't tell me.”

I run my hand through my hair and take a moment to collect myself. This moment is crucial, I hope I can make this right. “Look, the main reason why I don't like to talk about her is because she broke my heart.” Reagan rolls her eyes, but I continue. “I know this sounds weird, but I thought she was my soul mate and accepting the fact that she isn't was just really hard. I mean I was stupid that we would be together forever, we were sixteen, but what can I say? I'm sometimes a hopeless romantic.”

“So you're still hung up on her? Is this where you're story is leading towards? Because it sure sounds like it.” Her voice is angry, but it's much more than that, it's also very hurt. She sounds so hurt about the whole thing.

“No, I'm not. I'll get to that. So she broke my heart, but it's not that fact alone that made me so miserable. No, it was because she never told me why. She broke up with me out of the blue, she just said I'm a horrible person and I should suffer for the things I did, but I never found out what I actually did. And just a week later, she had a thing going with Liam Booker, the school's slut. I didn't know what to do, especially since my best friend was Liam Booker's best friend and so I couldn't go out with them. Karma was always with them and I just didn't want to see her.”

I could see sympathy in Reagan's expression when she speaks again. “As sad as that is Amy, I still don't get why you didn't tell me.”

I take a deep breath. “That's simple: I was scared.” She raises her eyebrow again and I feel the need to explain myself further. “I knew you'd meet her one day if she's my roommate, but I tried to avoid it, because I'm scared of you two becoming friends. I mean you two could be friends, but then I'd have to talk to her more and I'd have to see her more often than I already do. You know I kinda want a friendship with Karma again, and that's a thought that I don't understand, but you two as friends is a thought in my head that I really don't want to happen.”

Reagan shakes her head. “Why would we become friends? It's not like we have the same hobbies.”

“Not exactly, but I have that feeling that you two would get along. Look this is the honest reason why I didn't tell you and I know that it probably doesn't make sense, and it's really stupid, but it's true. I'm really sorry that I acted the way I did, but can we please leave this subject behind and look forward again?”

The waiter arrives with our food and Reagan looks at her plate, filled with pasta and then looks at me again. “Do you still like her?”

I just picked up my fork and knife to dig in my food, but I almost let them drop again. “What? No.”

“Are you sure? Because if you do, I won't be mad at you if you leave me now and try to make it work with her again. I'd get that, but I couldn't handle it if you kept playing with me for months until she discovers her feelings for you and you leave me on the side of the road.” She tries hard not to look away from me.

“Don't be stupid. I'm not into her anymore. She's been my first love and yes, it's hard to get over those. And yes, people always say that they're the most important part of your love life, but I don't believe that.” I can see a frown starting on Reagan's face. “Think about it, the second love is so much more important than the first. It's the person who shows you that life goes on, that life can be even better. The person who shows you that there's still love in this world. You made me forget about her and she won't get back into my head again.”

Reagan just nods and falls in silence. She looks down at her plate and starts to eat. That's what she does when an argument is over and we're in a public place. Now I know it's okay again. Kinda. She will be grumpy for a little longer, but not really. I eat, too.

The rest of the date is very simple, we're mostly silent and we only have small talk like “How's your first week at college?” or “How was that Sqwirkel catering gig yesterday?” But there's one thing that keeps me smiling the whole time. After we ate our food for a few minutes she reached over to hold my hand. That means we're really good. I can take her to my dorm without worries again, and Karma can't destroy my relationship with her, doesn't matter what she does. This is amazing.

After we're done eating, I insist on paying the bill. “It's the least I can do after everything.”

On the way to her truck she takes her hand in mine again. “So do you want to walk or should I drive you back to your dorm?” She leans against the driver's door and smiles at me.

“I'd love it if you could drive me, I'm kinda exhausted after today.”

She nods and is about to open the door, but I take her hand and pull her close to me. I press my lips on hers, god how much I missed her lips on mine, and kiss her softly.

When I pull away she smiles. “I thought you wanted me to drive you.”

“That wasn't a kiss goodbye. That was just something I felt the need to do.” I shrug and walk to the passenger door and get it.

Reagan follows my lead and in the next moment we're on the road, still silent. When we arrive at my dorm building, she turns to me.

“Hey, there's this freshman club party tomorrow and I'll be the DJ there, do you want to join me?” I look at her for a moment and don't answer. “I know it's not your scene and you'd rather stay at home, but you could at least try and see your class mates in their natural habitat.”

I sigh. “Yeah fine, why not? It's not like I have better plans tomorrow and Karma's probably staying in tomorrow, too, so I don't have to see her then again.”

Reagan smiles and leans in for a kiss. Obviously I reciprocate and meet her halfway. “I love you,” she whispers against my lips.”

“I love you, too,” I say while leaning back again. “So I'll see you tomorrow then. Text me when you're home.”

“Sure will.” She winks at me and waits until I'm in the building to drive away. A freshman party, huh? I bet it won't be interesting at all, but I might be mistaken.

 

* * *

 

_They felt kind of awkward around each other at the beginning. They didn't know how to act, should they behave the same or should something change?_

_After a week of awkwardly moving around school together and an amazing girls-weekend, Liam sits down at their lunch table. He looks the girls up and down and Amy painfully remembers what happened only hours before her first kiss with Karma._

“ _So how are the ladies doing on this beautiful day?” This was actually the first time Liam ever spoke to Amy, before that she only saw him talking to Karma. That only increased the tug in her gut when Karma talked to other people, she felt almost sick when Karma talked to him._

“ _We're alright, Mondays you know?” Karma shifted in her seat and Amy couldn't help but notice that she seemed uncomfortable. Without thinking she slipped her hand in Karma's under the table and intertwined their fingers. Her girlfriend squeezed her hand and she could feel her relaxing a bit. Girlfriend. Amy liked the sound of that._

“ _You guys had a fun weekend then?” He moves his eyebrows up and down in a creepy way and Amy just looked over to Karma who just smiled at her._

“ _Yeah, it was pretty amazing.” She brushed her thumb over the back of Amy's hand. Amy instantly remembered how they watched movies, ate junk food and, most importantly, made out. A lot. They felt so comfortable when it was just them, just Amy and Karma. It brought a smile to Amy's face. “What about you?” Karma broke the eye contact and now looks at Liam. “Any fun activities?”_

_He shrugged and leaned forward on the table. “Just went to some bar with Shane. You know, we have the perfect pick-up-routine.” He grinned proudly and Amy couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes, not that he payed any attention to her. His eyes were glued on Karma which set a fire in her chest. She tried to calm herself by taking deep breaths, so maybe Karma wouldn't notice it._

_But she did notice. She pulled Amy's hand into her lap and caressed it now with both her hands. And it worked, Amy calmed down. At least a bit._

“ _Sounds like fun.” Karma wore her polite smile, Amy knew that she was still pretty uncomfortable. Especially since the guy she was after for quite some time sits opposite her girlfriend._

“ _So I wanted to ask you something.” Liam composed himself and cleared his throat. The couple didn't say anything, they simply waited for him to continue. “Since you're homecoming queens and all, do you want to come to my afterparty? It's just a simple thing, not too big, really, it's at Shane's place and we want to hang out with some friends.”_

_Amy bit back her comment if he only asked them because he wanted to convert Karma, or did he want to seem more accepting that he already did._

“ _Eh, yeah, sure. We'd love to come, wouldn't we?” Karma looked over to Amy with an expectant expression, still playing with Amy's hand in her lap._

“ _If we feel like it,” she said and they both knew she won't feel like it. But they also knew they would go if Karma wanted to._

“ _Amazing, see you then.” He quickly waved at Amy and winked at Karma. That made Amy's stomach turn in a bad way, luckily he got up and walked away._

_Amy looked after him while breathing out a soft laughter._

“ _What?” Karma tugged at her hand so they would look at each other._

“ _Nothing,” Amy said, still looking after Liam. “It's just funny how he has the nerve to sit down here, when he thinks that you cheated on me with him.” She shook her head with a small smile on her face._

_Karma's face sunk and she looked at her lap, where Amy's hand was. “We weren't together then.”_

“ _I know that.” She squeezed Karma's hand. “But he doesn't. So my point is valid.”_

_Karma sighs. “You really don't like him, huh?” She didn't even look at Amy when she said that, she didn't have to._

“ _What's to like?” She looks at Karma. “He's just a douche who's after my girlfriend because he wants to sleep with a lesbian.” Girlfriend. Karma liked the sound of that._

“ _He's actually really nice, you know?”_

_Amy snorts and looks at the place where Liam sat just moments ago. “Everyone is when they want to get with you.”_

“ _Oh is that so?” Karma smirked and heaved herself up to sit on the table, right in front of Amy, pushing away her lunch. “Is that why you're always nice to me?” She placed her feet on either side of Amy and leaned backwards on her arms._

_Amy put her hands on Karma's calves and started to run them up and down. “Obviously, did you think I'm with you because of your personality? You have the dashing looks and getting you into bed is the main goal.” She said blankly with a small shrug. Karma raised an eyebrow, still smirking when Amy continued. “Your sweet, wonderful, caring personality and your angel-like voice are just the bonus.”_

_Karma leaned forward and her hands wandered to the collar of Amy's shirt. She pulled her to her feet, close to her face. “Well you're lucky then, my dear.”_

_She brushed her lips against Amy's and felt the other girl's arms wrap around her waist, pulling her even closer. That made her smile into the kiss that was so sweet and slow. They still felt awkward kissing in public, but come on it's only been a week. The fact that the people around them started to cheer didn't make things easier._

_Amy was the one who pulled away, leaning her forehead against Karma's. Karma bit her lip right before she opened her eyes and she could see Amy blushing, probably due to all the attention they got for their PDA. But she still smiled while she looked to the ground._

“ _I'll never get used to it,” she said, fastening her grip on Karma's sweater._

“ _Probably not, but that doesn't matter, does it?” She moved her head slightly away from her and put her pointer finger on Amy's chin so she'd look at her._

“ _No it doesn't, because I could never not kiss you in public. After I tasted those lips once, I can't go another day without a kiss.” She leaned forward and pressed another kiss on her girlfriend's lips. “It's like your lips are dusted with cocain, I don't know what it is, really, but your lips are so kissable.” She kissed her once more. “I love you, you know that?”_

_But she did get comfortable kissing Karma in public, she got comfortable doing other stuff in public, too …_

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reagan takes Amy to a college party where she's the DJ, and as coincidence wants it, it's the same party where Hanna drags Karma.  
> In the flashbacks there's the homecoming and what happened slightly afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attack

Karma POV

“Ugh, I hate choosing clothes.” Hanna stands in front of her closet, throwing all her stuff out while mumbling “no” for every piece.

“Then let’s not go to this party. This way you don’t need to choose an outfit and I don’t need to go.” I sit on her bed, back against the wall, flipping through one of her roommate’s magazines.

She sighs and turns around to me. “Okay seriously, you told me you loved to go to parties, you always went and had loads of fun. What happened?” She walks up to me and stands right in front of me.

I sigh. “Well Amy happened. Or better the breakup. Her best friend was the most popular guy in high school, so he hosted most of the parties. After I broke up with her he practically banned me from his parties and I couldn’t care less.” She raises an eyebrow at me. “Anymore.”

Hanna shrugs and walks back to her closet, still trying to figure out what to wear. “Do you already know what you’re gonna wear?”

I look down on myself. “Can’t I wear this?” I motion to my clothes, “or is this too casual for a freshman party?” I joke.

Hanna snorts. “Have you seen the guys that walk around here? They’d still take you if you went there in you pjs.” Then she turns around and squints at me. “Guys are a topic, right? If not, I bet the girls on campus wouldn’t throw you out of their beds either.”

I shake my head and grin. “Yes, guys are still a topic, and so are girls. But I’m not looking for anything.”

“No one is when they’re starting college. Girls like you always say they want to concentrate on the lectures and their grades.” She pauses while pulling a dress out. “Have you actually dated anyone since Amy?”

I squeeze my eyes shut at the question, I knew it was coming some day, but I just really hoped today wasn’t that day. Now she wants me to get out there again or some bullshit like that. “I had this fling with this guy, but it wasn’t anything serious. He was the biggest douche, so I decided not to see him anymore.”

I open my eyes again and see her with a furrowed forehead. “Are you still hung up on her?”

My eyes widen immediately and everything inside of me screams panic. “What? No! Never! That’s done, she’s in the past. Why would you think something like that? I’ll stop talking now.” The words come rushing out of my mouth and yes, that doesn’t make my words very believable, but I can’t really be believable right now anyway.

“Riiiiight.” She stretches the word to its maximum and I hate her for doing it, it makes the sarcasm drip even more than it already does. It kinda reminds me of Amy.

* * *

 

“ _Oh come on, it’ll be fun! Let’s just try it, okay?” Karma dragged Amy to the dance floor._

“ _Yeah, it will be a total blast to humiliate me in front of the whole school.” Amy rolled her eyes, but still obliged to her girlfriend’s wishes._

“ _You know, I think I remember you telling me that you love dancing with me.” Karma said grinning, while she wraps her arms around Amy’s neck._

“ _I was like 8 when I told you that, it doesn’t count.” But she still put her arms on Karma’s waist and pulled her closer._

“ _Darling, it doesn’t matter how old you were, you still said it. And I know that you still do.” She came closer and closer while she talked and she almost breathed the last words against Amy’s lips. She kissed her softly and the blonde could feel her legs going weak beneath her._

_She pulled away. “Well if you kiss me like that again, I might not be able to dance anymore. And yes, I love dancing with you. But only with you.” She looked around the hall. “And not with these numbnuts around us.”_

_Karma chuckled and leaned her head on Amy’s shoulder. “Well you have to live with that, because I’m a big fan of the public and you know that. Just ignore the others, they don’t matter.” They bumped their heads lightly against another. “The only thing that counts is us. That we’re here on the dance floor having fun.”_

_Amy sighed. “Fine, but I’m not sure if I can have fun with them around, still.”_

_Karma pulled away and looked at Amy. “When I look at you then the world around us doesn’t exist, it’s only us two, so I don’t see the other people.”_

“ _What other people?” Amy asked, Karma didn’t know if Amy was joking or not, but the sincerity of Amy’s eyes made her heart melt._

* * *

“Earth to Karma!” Hanna waves in front of my face and I shake my head quickly.

“What?” I blink at her a few times. Wow that memory really threw me off. How long was I gone for?

“I said I’m done. I’m ready. We can go to your room now so I can help you picking out an outfit.” Oh right, the party. I sigh and get up, following Hanna out of the room. “What were you dreaming about anyway?”

“Huh?” I was about to drift off to my dreamland again.

“You’re daydreaming quite a lot. Where are you always going?”

“Oh” I pause. “I don’t know, just lingering in the past I guess.”

Amy POV

I hate those parties, I really do. I’m glad that my girlfriend is the DJ and I can spend my time up in her booth.

“Lighten up babe, go down and dance a bit.” Reagan nudges my arm. “I like watching you dance from up here,” she says grinning. This girl ruins me sometimes, but that’s okay I guess.

“I don’t wanna go down there alone. I would rather stay up here. Or dance with you down there. But not alone.” I pull a face and turn to her. “Besides, do you really want those weirdos down there to grope me?”

She makes her thinking face. “Hmm, I don’t know.” She looks in the air and purses her lips. “That’s a really hard question.”

I breathe out a laughter and hit her softly. “You’re stupid, stop it, I know you don’t want that.”

She just winks at me and goes back to spinning. “I’m seriously though, you don’t seem like you have fun.”

I shrug and lean against the railing of her booth with my back to the crowd. “I’m having fun alright, you know parties aren’t really my thing. But seeing these weirdos down there grinding on each other is so pathetically hilarious and I’m fine.”

Reagan shakes her head with a grin on her face. “You’re weird yourself.”

I turn around and look around the masses, that’s when I see Karma. Great. Karma’s here. With her new sidekick, what’s her name? Mona? Oh it was some name that reminds me of Pretty Little Liars, I don’t know. She looks like she’s having fun, I mean that’s something, right?

Oh why should I care if she has fun? I don’t have fun anymore. I can’t keep my eyes off of her, she’s still a remarkable dancer. I sigh, but I try to keep it low key so Reagan doesn’t notice and it really doesn’t seem like she did.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely over her, but when you see someone you once loved doing something they love, I don’t know, I just get this tug in my stomach and it feels just like it felt back then. But only for a moment.

I hope.

She’s not one of the desperate grinding people, she does dance pretty close with her little sidekick, but you can see that it’s platonic, at least from her side, I can’t speak for her sidekick. They laugh a lot and sing along to the music every time there is something to sing along to. I don’t think her friend hears her voice properly, because she would definitely react differently.

I tilt my head slightly and keep watching them, I realize I have a small smile on my lips. Okay maybe I am happy that she has fun, but so what? I do want her to be happy, and I kinda wanna be friends with her again. After all she’s a good person, even after everything she did. She used to do pretty amazing things.

* * *

_They stood in front of Shane’s house. They left the dance pretty early, because they went on a long walk._

“ _It’s nice to see you all dressed up, you should do that more often,” Karma had joked._

_Amy only smiled at her and squeezed her had, she never knew what to say to Karma’s remarks, she knew she wasn’t serious, but she also didn’t want to make a stupid sarcastic remark all the time, so she just didn’t say anything._

_Now they stood here after they walked from the school to Shane’s place with a few diversions, they did walk for a couple of hours, and Amy wasn’t so sure anymore if going to this party was the best idea. To be fair she never thought it was a good idea, but now she just really didn’t want to enter this house a second time for a party. The first one was bad enough._

_Karma took Amy’s hand in hers and squeezed lightly. “Hey, everything okay?”_

_Amy shrugged. “I don’t know, I mean do we have to go in there? It’s not really-”_

“ _Your scene, I know,” Karma interrupted her. “But we can just check it out, you know? See if it’s any different now that we’re really a couple.” Amy knew exactly where Karma was going with this. “You know, we’re popular now, and popular people join school activities. And you don’t do that. Popular people also go to parties. And here we are. Come on, it won’t be that bad, I promise.”_

_She always promised things she couldn’t keep. And she knew that she couldn’t keep them, but she genuinely tried. And that was all to make Amy the happiest person alive._

_They could hear the music from outside and that was another con on Amy’s pros and cons list. The music was horrible. At least for her ears, Karma was okay with it. But it was also the fact that it was Liam’s party that made Amy cringe. She really didn’t like that guy._

“ _We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” Karma squeezed her hand once more. “We can go home and watch Househunters.”_

_Amy shook her head and took a deep breath. “No, you wanna go in and I don’t wanna keep you away. So I guess we’re going in.”_

_Amy saw Karma smile in the corner of her eye. “I’m gonna be by your side the whole time, never letting go of your hand. I promise it’ll be fine.” She leaned over and kissed Amy’s cheek. “Do you trust me?”_

_Amy nodded and smiled. “I do, yeah. But if anyone talks to you and I get bored, I might pull you away.”_

* * *

I feel a hand on my waist and another hand pushing my hair to the side. “Who are you staring at?” Reagan kisses the back of my neck softly and with that I’m fully back to reality.

“No one in particular.” I lie. Obviously I’m still staring at Karma, who has probably not even a clue I’m here.

“Okay.” She puts her other hand on my waist, too and continues kissing my neck, slowly making her way to my jawline. Then she suddenly stops. “You know, I still think it’s weird that you never went to any high school parties even though Shane was you best friend.”

I turn around to face her. “Well it’s just not my thing.” I brush my fingertips over her forearm. “Besides, I did go to plenty of parties, just not in my senior year.”

Reagan’s eyebrow shoots up. Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. “So you mean that you always went with Karma, but without her you didn’t want to?”

I squint at her words. “Basically, kinda. Yeah, I mean I guess,” I mutter as she slowly backs away from me. “But I still didn’t wanna go there. It was her thing. After the breakup I had a good reason not to go and no one bothered me about it.” I get hold of the sides of her shirt to pull her closer again. Really close. “And I rather go to parties with you than with her.”

I can feel her smile against my lips, that’s how close we are. “Yeah?” she asks. “Why is that?” She looks me in the eye, her eyebrow still raised.

“Because with you I don’t need to be down there with all the morons and can be only with you up here in your booth.” She smiles even wider. “And not to forget that I always have amazing music when I go to parties with you.”

I close the distance between us and kiss her softly.

“Talking about the music, I should probably go back to spinning.” She moves away slowly, but not before giving me a quick peck on the lips.

I turn back to the crowd again. The great thing about Reagan’s music is that she takes rock songs, or more alternative music, and makes house, or electro remixes with them. They’re pretty amazing.

I look around the room and once again my eyes land on Karma. She’s still dancing with her sidekick.

Wait a second, I know how I can pay her all her behavior from this week back. I mean this could be pretty mean, but it could be pretty fun. Let’s see. I go to Reagan and start proposing her a deal.

Karma POV

I’m somewhat glad that I came to this party, the music is great, the guys don’t look at me, and Hanna is really cool. All we did was dancing. God I missed to dance. I should really do that more often, all the frustration from the last days is just gone.

“Hey, I thought you hated this!” Hanna and I dance pretty close to each other, we do that from time to time.

“Yeah, I thought so, too. But turns out I just forgot how much fun it is!” We have to almost scream over the music, but we don’t talk much anyway.

“Or maybe you just missed the alcohol before!” She sticks out her tongue in my directions and lifts her glass a bit up.

I laugh at her comment. “Yeah right, as if high school students don’t drink alcohol!” I got to admit, I’m only slightly buzzed, but it’s just the right amount, really. It’s amazing.

That’s when I hear a familiar melody. What the fuck? Since when doe this kind of music play in a club?

_Now and then I think of when we were together  
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die_

Okay, this has to be a joke, I mean seriously? The last time I’ve heard this song was when I sang it at this talent show thing at Hester.

 _Told myself that you were right for me_  
But felt so lonely in your company  
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember

Nope, I’m so not down with this, this can’t be happening. I really don’t want to go down that road again.

_You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness  
Like resignation to the end, always the end_

Hanna is next to me dancing and singing her heart out. Her eyes are closed, she can’t see that I’ve stopped moving. I’m looking around the room, trying to find the DJ booth, surprising myself that I haven’t looked for it until now.

 _So when we found that we could not make sense_  
Well you said that we would still be friends  
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

That’s when I see her up there, staring down at me. Her face shows no emotion, but I know exactly that she feels good about herself for playing that song.

_But you didn’t have to cut me off  
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing_

My heart starts beating really fast, my breathing gets heavier and heavier. I just stare back at her, I can’t move. I don’t wanna be here anymore, but I simply can’t move. My eyes are probably wide open, I don’t know, all I know is that I wanna run. Run away from here. Why the fuck can’t I move?!

_And I don’t even need your love  
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough_

The song’s becoming a blur in the background while I just stare at her, slowly giving in to my panic attack.

_No you didn’t have to stoop so low  
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number_

I suddenly feel a hand on my arm. “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

I run. I don’t know why or how I finally made it, but I run as fast as I can through the crowded room, bumping in countless people, sometimes even tackling them. But I don’t care, I just run.

I run until I’m outside, where I collapse.

I can’t breathe.

I fucking can’t breathe.

Why can’t I breathe?!

I’m on my knees and I feel everything around me go dark. But I don’t feel my breathing go down.

“Karma?! Karma are you alright?! Karma talk to me!”

The voice is a faint noise in the distance, I can barely make out who’s voice it is.

I feel my head hitting the ground and suddenly everything’s silent.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Karma's panick attack, and the afterparty of homecoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tW: Panic attack

“ _Are you sure you wanna be here?” Amy asked. They’ve been at the party for roughly half an hour and Karma hasn’t laughed or said anything so far._

“ _What? Yeah, of course I wanna be here. This is what popular people do, they go to parties.” Or at least that’s what she’s been telling herself ever since they got there._

_The music was way too loud and just not her kind, she wasn’t really into electronic music, but she thought she could at least fake enthusiasm. Something was wrong, but she couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was._

“ _Maybe we should just go home.” Amy squeezed her girlfriend’s hand and tugged on it lightly._

_But Karma pulled her hand away. “No, it’s great here. But if you don’t wanna be here then we can go, I guess.” She tried to pout, but Amy could see that she was actually relieved that Amy said she wanted to leave._

_Amy sighed. “I wanna do what makes you happy. It’s your decision to make, not mine. I’m happy as long as you’re by my side.” She smiled at Karma and got a little smile in return._

“ _How about we stay for another half hour? That’s not that bad and when we get home we can watch another episode of House Hunters.” Karma suggested, brushing lightly over Amy’s arm._

_Amy grabbed herself and Karma a drink, kissed Karma lightly on the cheek and smiled. “Anything you want, angel.”_

_Karma loved it when Amy called her angel, she didn’t even know why, she just loved it, she just didn’t like the traditional pet names. But there was still a sour taste in the pit of her stomach, not about Amy, but about this party._

_And that’s when she saw Liam walking towards her._

* * *

Karma POV

I slowly open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. I’m in my dorm room. How did I get here?

I rub my face. Okay, what is the last thing I remember? She played the song, or well she told Reagan to play the song. Then I panicked. I ran outside. And that’s it, that’s all I know. How the fuck did I get into my dorm?

I run my hand through my hair and try to sit up, but everything spins and I just fall back onto my mattress. What the fuck? How long have I been out?

“You should eat.”

The voice startles me and I turn to her. Amy sits on her bed and looks at me, her arms resting on her legs, she looks guilty. She should look guilty, this is all her fault. I look at the watch on her nightstand. 11:30pm. I was out for about half an hour, that’s insane. Wait, what is she even doing here? Why isn’t she with Reagan? Was she the one who got me to the room?

I open my mouth to say something, but before I can she lifts her hand to stop me and gets up. “Now that I know you’re fine I’m going back to my girlfriend. I should let her know that everything’s alright. See you later.” Her voice sounds indifferent.

She walks to the door, that’s when I find my voice again. “Did you take care of me?”

She stops in her tracks, and her head sinks and without looking at me she points next to my bed. There’s Hanna sitting in a chair, her red waves hanging over half her face. She’s asleep. “She was so overwhelmed by the situation that she was completely exhausted.” And with that she leaves the room.

I sit up, my head still spinning, that’s when I see a few candy bars in Hanna’s lap.

“Don’t mind if I do,” I whisper while leaning forward to take them. I should also get something to drink, but I always have a bottle of water right next to my bed. I eat one of the bars and drink a bit of water, I instantly feel better. I hate it when that happens, the fainting I mean. I should probably wake Hanna, I wanna know what exactly has happened.

I kick her lightly, well I don’t really kick her, I just shove her leg with my foot. She shoots up immediately and is completely startled. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is open, I can see the sheer panic in her eyes, but she calms down as soon as she sees that I’m awake. She leans forward and sighs.

“Thank god you’re okay. I brought you some cand-” She looks down at her lap and stops, then she looks at me and the candy bars in my hand. “Oh good, you already found them. Amy told me to get some while she carried you here.”

I raise my eyebrow. “Wait what now? Can you just tell me what happened after I fainted? Because, you know, I was kinda unconscious.”

She nods furiously. “Oh yeah, of course, I’m sorry, so yeah, I didn’t know what to do, so I sat there with you for a few minutes until Reagan came out. When she saw you, she ran inside again and appeared again with Amy. For some reason she didn’t seem in panic or anything,” Sure she didn’t. “She just walked up to you and picked you up.” She gets so cocky in these situations. “And she carried you towards your dorm building and told me to get something sugary to eat.” Yeah, I always want candy when I had a panic attack, it calms me. “And that’s what I did, basically. I sat down next to you on this chair,” she motions to the chair she’s sitting on, “and then I passed out. Well not passed out like you passed out, but I fell asleep. I don’t know anything else.”

So that’s why Amy was there, she wanted to make sure I don’t have another panic attack in my sleep. That happens sometimes, it’s hard to calm me then. I’m kinda glad that she was there, but why was she anyway? I mean she doesn’t care about me or anything. Or does she?

I look up at Hanna. “Thank you. That you helped me means a lot, I really appreciate it.”

“I only tried to help, though it did sober me up a lot.” She sends me a smile that looked somewhat pitying, or maybe I’m just interpreting it wrong. Or maybe I’m not. “Amy was the one who really helped you, she knew what to do.” She paused and looked down at her hands for a second and then back at me. “So I guess this happened a few times before, huh?” She sounds hesitant, like she’s not sure she should ask such a question.

“Yeah, I have an anxiety problem. But I only have certain triggers, so it usually doesn’t happen that easily. Don’t worry, you probably won’t experience it again.” I shrug. My voice sounds very nonchalant, but that’s because it’s true. It didn’t happen in a year, it’s just that songs that remind me of her set me off really bad. And since she’s my roommate, I think I have to get used to having these attacks more often again.

Great.

“Well without you, I would’ve been lying in the streets alone, so I still have to thank you for it. And please don’t worry about me, alright? Can you promise me that?” I cross my legs under the covers so I sit more comfortable.

“Oh sweetie, I can’t promise you that, but I’ll try, okay? I mean yeah it doesn’t look that bad and everything.” She offers me a smile again and I return it.

“Hey, wanna go for a walk? I think I need some fresh air.” I get up from my bed and realize I’m wearing sweats. Who changed my clothes? I frown down at me.

By Hanna’s expression she clearly wasn’t the one who put me into my favorite sweats. She raises her eyebrows at me as she looked down at me. “Yeah sure, you wanna change or go like that?”

But that means … How can that … What … I mean … No … She didn’t … did she?

“I think I’m alright in sweats,” I say a bit reluctant. “So yeah, should we go?”

She nods and gets up too, still looking at my pants a bit funny. Just like I do.

For real now, did she change me?

Like seriously, did Amy change my clothes?

Why would she do that?

* * *

_Amy saw Liam just a millisecond before Karma did and almost puked. She held Karma’s hand tight while he approached them._

“ _Heeeey! Karma, how are you? You look amazing in that dress.” His words were kinda slurred. Amy remembered that Liam eyed Karma the whole time they’ve been at the dance, like she was some kind of price._

Why do guys like him always go after girls who have girlfriends? _, she thought. Amy wasn’t really the jealous type, but Liam brought it out of her. Maybe it was the way Karma looked at him, or the way he always just talked to Karma, like Amy didn’t even exist. Or maybe it was both. It was probably both._

“ _Hey,” she gave him a quick hug with one arm, since Amy didn’t let go of her other hand. “We’re fine, thanks. So how’s the party so far?” Amy could sense that Karma only wanted to be polite but she couldn’t help it and rolled her eyes. Karma nudged her arm lightly in response, Liam didn’t even seem to notice._

“ _The party is amazing!” He threw an arm around Karma’s shoulder, ripping her away from Amy’s hand. “You should see the dance floor!” He pulled Karma with him._

_Amy took a deep breath, and followed them to Shane’s living room where almost the whole school danced, or at least it looked like it was the whole school._

_Liam dragged Karma to the dance floor and tried to animate her to dance. Karma didn’t seem to uncomfortable, so Amy didn’t interfere._ Maybe she has fun dancing with him _, she thought to herself. She tried to ignore the little tug in her gut, that tug that told her that something is absolutely wrong._ Karma would tell me if she wasn’t okay _._

_But Karma didn’t tell her that there was panic rising inside her._

_As Karma danced with Liam, which she absolutely didn’t want to do, she noticed that it got harder and harder to breathe. Her breath got shorter and shorter, but every time she moved just an inch away from the boy, he moved closer again, and every time she tried it, the harder it got to breathe. She really tried to get away from him, but he was way too drunk and got hold of her arm._

“ _Where do you wanna go?” He slurred in her ear._

_Cold shivers ran down her spine and she could feel the sweat on her skin, that cold sweat she was already familiar with. She clenched her fists and tried to get away, but he held on to her._

_That’s when Amy jumped up and ran to them._

* * *

Amy POV

Walking away from her feels kinda weird, especially since I’ve never left her in a situation like that. And now the memories of older events come back it feels even weirder.

I climb up to Reagan’s booth again, I texted her a while ago that I want to make sure Karma’s alright, and now that she is I can go back to her. I walk up from behind her and kiss her right behind the ear.

“Hey babe, so is Karma okay?” There was only a hint of concern in her voice, but mostly jealousy. She doesn’t want to be pissed at me for taking care of Karma, but she can’t help it, and I get it.

“Yeah she’s fine, her friend is in her room with her. I gave her my number for the case that anything happens again, but I don’t think it’ll be necessary.” I keep my hands on her waist and stay close to her.

She seems tense but slowly relaxes against me, she almost leans against me. She loves it when I just stay in her booth and watch her playing the music. It’s the simple things, you know? I never sacrificed anything else for her than my time, but with working two jobs and everything she appreciates that a lot. I hate going to clubs, but when I can go there with her, then it’s somewhat alright.

“So what was that anyway?” Reagan suddenly turns around to me and puts her hands around my neck. “Like why did she pass out? Is that normal for her?”

I looked down to the floor. That question let’s all the guilt I felt earlier rise up again.

She passed out because of me.

Because I played this song.

“She has an anxiety problem, that’s basically it. This is a crowded place and she probably had alcohol. She hyperventilated and it can happen that you pass out.” I tried not to let my guilt show through my words, so what if I told a little lie, it’s not like she can prove that it was me who gave her the panic attack.

I just didn’t expect her to react like this. I didn’t know it was still that bad, I mean how should I know that? It’s not like we talked after the breakup. Okay I could’ve thought for a second or something and notice her freakout, but I wasn’t really thinking.

“Amy?” Her voice brings me back to reality. “Babe, are you alright? You don’t look so good.” She brings her hand to my chin and lifts my head a little.

“I’m fine.” I sigh and purse my lips. “I’m just worried is all.”

She pulls me closer to her. “She has her friend with her, right?” I nod. “Then there’s nothing to worry about, she knows now what to do, she saw it when you did it. So if it happens again, her friend can actually help.” She places a small kiss on my lips. “Now stop worrying, it’s not like it’s your fault.” She kisses me again softly but there’s the guilt again, bubbling up inside of me, even higher than it was before.

I shouldn’t have done this.

But I did and I can’t change it.

And Reagan thinks I’m an angel, she really thinks that. She doesn’t know I purposefully wanted to hurt Karma, she just knows that I wanted to hear that song and I always get my way with her.

How can I make this up to Karma? How can I show her that I didn’t mean for this to happen? I didn’t want her to faint. Granted, I wanted to hurt her, but I never wanted it to lash out that badly.

I feel so bad right now, how can I make this better?

“Look, I can see that this bugs you, you can just go to your room again if you want to and check on her. You don’t have to stay here. You don’t like it here anyway.” She sounds a bit disappointed and I can clearly tell that she would have a problem with me leaving her to check on Karma, but on the other side, Reagan is a really caring person, so she would understand.

She turns around to her turntable again and I stand next to her. “No it’s fine. I’m gonna stay here. And you’re right, I don’t like parties like this, but you do. And I wanna spend time with you. You know you got me for the long term, I’m not leaving that easily.”

She smiles at me and shakes her head. “I know, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Karma POV

We walked through the campus in silence for a while until Hanna suddenly stopped.

“So how does that work?”

I stopped and turned to her slightly confused. “Whatever you’re talking about?”

She shook her head quickly and frowned at me. “Okay different question. Do you remember the first time you had such an attack?”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “I do, but don’t you think that his question is pretty personal?”

Her eyes grow wide. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep a boundary, I’m just curious, is all. I’ve never dealt with anyone who had panic attacks.”

I started walking again and couldn’t help but snort. “Yeah right.” When she caught up with me I continued. “You do realize that everyone has panic attacks, right?”

She frowned at me again. “What do you mean? I’ve never had a panic attack.”

“That doesn’t mean you will never have one.” I winked at her.

She walked next to me in silence for a while and I started to wander what she was thinking about, but in all honesty: I was still thinking about the fact that Amy changed my clothes. Like how did she do it? Did she just strip me? She probably looked me up and down while she did. Yeah, she definitely would do that, she’s weird like that. So she just stripped me out of my dress and put me into sweats. In addition: My favorite sweats.

Did she do that on purpose?

“Are you sure we shouldn’t go to a hospital?” Hannah brings me back to reality.

“I’m very sure we shouldn't” I smile at her. “But thanks for the concern, that’s kinda cute.”

She looks at the ground and I swear she’s blushing. She’s actually blushing. It’s really nice to have a friend like her, she cares about me and I feel safe when I’m with her. It’s weird, we only know each other for a week now. But she’s still the nicest person in my life right now.

I wonder what it all means.

Like everything.

Amy POV

We went to my room after the party was done, it’s about 1am now, it ended pretty early, but that’s what happens if everyone there just pukes and no one wants to get arrested for underage drinking.

Stupid delinquents.

When we got to the room, Karma and Hanna weren’t there, so we just lied down and cuddled.

“Mmmh, I kinda missed this.” I say, pulling Reagan closer to me.

“What? Cuddling? We always cuddle.” She respond, slightly giggling.

I roll my eyes but gladly she can’t see that. “No, I mean lying in my own bed with you. Being here without being distracted, I wish we could always do that.”

Reagan put her head in the crook of my neck and I can feel her smile. “Well we could always do that, my bed is your bed, remember?” She mumbles the next words. “I asked you a few times already to just move in with me, it would make things way easier, you know that.”

I sigh and run my fingers up and down her arm. “I know, honey. But I’m just not sure about it yet. Give me some time, I mean I already spend most of my time at your place.”

She nods slightly and kisses my neck. “I love you dumbass.”

“I love you too.”

And that’s the truth, it really is.

But it’s also true that after tonight I don’t wanna move out from my dorm.

I can’t let her alone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the party, Amy gets a weird information from Lauren and doesn't know what to do with it, while Hanna and Karma bond.   
> Amy remembers how she met Reagan and Karma remembers what a douche Liam is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of suicide

Amy POV

I wake up because I feel stirring behind me. I groan and turn around and notice that there are arms wrapped around me. I slowly open my eyes and see that Reagan lies next to me. I can’t help but smile and snuggle closer to her and close my eyes again when the door flings open.

“All right love birds. I gave you a whole night. I hope I’m not interrupting anything, I’m leaving in a second again anyway.”

I hear Reagan make an inhuman noise while Karma searches for something in the room. But after a minute she’s gone again.

So she left us alone the whole night? Where was she? Did she spend the whole time with Hanna? Are they a thing now? What’s going on?

“Does she have to be like that?” I open my eyes to see Reagan frown at me.

“Well she left again, so we might just continue to sleep.” I try to pull her closer to me so she’d go back to sleep, but she glances over to by watch on the bedside table.

“Fuck!” She jumps up and almost lands on me. Oh did I say almost? She rams a knee into my stomach while trying to get out of bed. I groan in pain. “I have to work today, I totally forgot!”

I turn to my side and watch Reagan hastily change into some of my clothes while rubbing the side she hit with her knee. “Are you coming back here later?”

She turns to me, but quickly turns away again grabbing her phone. “Why don’t you stop by my place later, or now? Or whenever. I’d love to come home to you after work.”

She always does that. She first reminds me that she wants me to move in with her and then she mentions all the things she wants us to do together if we really do. Not that I don’t appreciate it, and I’m really considering it, but I can’t move out of the dorm now, now that I know that  _she_ ’s not well. I don’t know why I care so much about Karma’s well being, but she was my first love, she was the person who introduced to me how good it can feel when someone holds you, kisses you, or just smiles at you. Maybe it’s also that we’ve been best friends before that. She’s still important to me, I can’t lie about that, I don’t love her, but her well being is still kinda important, you know?

I hear my phone chime and I look at it.

_L 9.05am: Skype. Now._

“So babe, I’m going, text me if you’re gonna be at mine or here, okay?” The leans over and pecks my lips. “Love you.”

I give her a small smile. “Love you, too.”

When Reagan is out the door I type in an answer for Lauren.

_A 9.06am: Nope._

It doesn’t take her long to respond.

_L 9.07am: Now, Amy. I’m not joking._

I groan and get up. Reluctantly, but I get up and sit on my desk. I turn on my laptop and immediately after I sign in to Skype, it already goes off.

“Good morning, light of my life. To what do I owe this pleasure of seeing your beautiful face at this lovely hour?” I say when I see how pissed Lauren looks.

“Have you heard?” She sounds furious and it takes me a lot of control not to laugh at her.

“If you tell me what, I might answer you,” I say drily.

Lauren rolls her eyes before she continues. “Oh fuck you. I’m serious here. Have you not heard that Liam might change universities?”

I raise an eyebrow. Liam goes the state university in Florida, I don’t even knows what he studies, it’s said that he just wanted to get away from here. “How would I know that? And why are you so furious about it?”

She takes a deep breath and pulls a face. I really start to wonder what this whole thing is about. “Rumor has it that he wants to go to UT to win back your roommate. And I don’t want him near you. He did enough already.”

A cold shiver runs down my spine. Win back Karma? Why would he do that? She hates him. He destroyed her life. He broke her down when she was already on the ground.

How I know all of that? I have my ways. It’s not that hard to spy on a girl you were deeply in love with at the time.

“He won’t get her back.” I say through gritted teeth.

Lauren is taken aback by my statement. She frowns at me. “You don’t even care that this douche want to go to your college? That douche that-” She pauses and shakes her head. “I can’t even say it. All you care about is that he’s not good enough for her?! Why would you still care about-” She doesn’t finish her sentence.

Oh fuck no. I know exactly what she’s thinking. Why would she think that?

“No Lauren, it’s absolutely not l-”

“How fucking dare you!” she interrupts me. “No, Amy. This is so not happening, I won’t allow it!” She almost screams at me now. Thank god I don’t have headphones in or else my eardrums might explode.

“There’s nothing happening. I don’t have feelings for Karma, I just care about her platonically.” Or something.

Lauren just squints at me through the camera. “Look Amy, you have a nice girl who you mean the world to. You know exactly that she takes this whole thing with you very seriously and until a minute ago, I thought you do too. If you’re gonna break her heart for fucking Karma Ashcroft, I will break you apart for your stupidity. Did I make myself clear?”

I sigh and let my head fall on the table. “Yes, very clear. But you didn’t have to say that.” I lift my head slightly. “I love Reagan, she’s amazing, why would I leave her for the potential to get hurt again? Besides, why would I leave her for a girl I’m not in love with?” I think.

“I don’t believe you, Raudenfeld. I dare you to go back to that girl, you understand me? Do you remember how wrecked you were when you met Reagan? How much she helped you?” She points at me.

I quickly roll my eyes. “How could I forget that? The most painful period in my life. And I know, Lauren, she helped me get out of this hole. And that is honestly one reason why I love her, so can you please stop worrying?”

She squints at me again, eyes me for a few moments until she lets out a breath and shrugs. “Fine. I believe you. But if I hear something about you getting it on with the hippie girl, I will break you.”

“Is that all?” I’m honestly getting slightly annoyed by Lauren’s behavior towards me, why would she act like that anyway?

“Why? Are you busy? Is your lover waiting for you?”

That’s enough. That oversteps a border. “Goodbye Lauren.” I end the call. How can she say something like that, that’s beyond rude.

But she’s right with one thing.

How I met Reagan was quite an experience.

* * *

_Shane barged into Amy’s room. “I’m done with this. We’re going out tonight.”_

_Amy didn’t even turn to him, she was just lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. “Why did she do that to me, Shane? Why did she break my heart out of nowhere?”_

_He just walked over to her and pulled her up by her arms. “I’m not listening to that anymore, honey. You’re coming with me.”_

_Amy’s eyes looked empty, just as her expression. “I don’t wanna leave my room.”_

_Shane backed off a bit and held his nose. “Yeah, you haven’t left your room in weeks. And apparently you haven’t showered either. Come one, take a shower and then we will go out and have some fun!”_

“ _Why?” her expression is still emotionless. “Where’s the point in going out without her? Where’s the point in doing anything without her? Just leave me here to rot and die miserably.”_

_Shane stopped for a second and just stared at her. “What the fuck?! You did not just say that. Nope, that’s too much. I’m gonna drag you to the shower.”_

_And so he did. He dragged her to the shower, took her clothes off and bathed her._

Nothing could be more awkward _, he thought,_ but that’s what you do for your heartbroken best friend _._

_After he was done with cleaning her up, he searched for the perfect outfit that screamed “I’m ready for some rebound action”, as he phrased it. Amy didn’t want a rebound, he just wanted Karma back, but she didn’t have a choice, so she finally just agreed on going out with him._

“ _under one condition,” she said. “You’re not gonna look out for some girl, if I see someone, then so be it, but we’ll just try to have fun. No forced rebound.”_

_Reluctantly, Shane agreed._

_He took her to an underground party “because, you know, they never check your ID” and when they arrived Amy felt almost instantly uncomfortable. The room was packed and the music was too loud. She wanted to go back home and crawl into a ball of sadness and depressing thoughts. But she knew that wasn’t gonna happen and decided to get utterly drunk._

_She abandoned Shane who was looking out for girls, completely ignoring her words from earlier, and went to the bar. At the bar there was a guy behind the counter and a girl next to Amy, arguing with each other._

“ _No, fuck this! It was my shift! How could you give it to this douche?!” The girl was clearly aggressive towards the bartender who just threw his arms in the air in defense._

“ _Whoa dude, calm your clitoris, it wasn’t my call, tell that to Jason, he called him up.”_

_Amy looked at the girl next to her for the first time and couldn’t stop looking at her. Her dark hair with the purple in it, her soft features and full lips, her perfect skin and slim figure. And if that wasn’t all, her clothes did the rest. A little punkish, like a girl who knows what she wants. Her leather jacket complements her black, ripped jeans and her white, loose shirt._

_When the girl sees Amy staring at her she smirks. “Oh forget it, Dave. Jason owes me.” Then she turned to Amy and simply said “Staring is rude, darling.” and winked._

_Amy shook her head quickly and managed a small, shy smile. “I’m sorry.”_

_The smirk on the girl’s face turned into a genuine smile. “No worries. Can I get you a drink? My name is Reagan by the way.”_

_Amy felt the blush coming to her face. “Yeah, sure. I’m Amy.”_

“ _Nice to meet you, Amy. What are you drinking?”_

* * *

Karma POV

We’re getting in my car, I just got the keys out of my room where Reagan and Amy were lying in her bed. Hanna and I are gonna get Chipotle, because we hung out all night talking about so much that we need some Mexican food.

“Why did we never talk about our lives like that before?” Hanna asks. She’s clearly too tired to function right now, it’s kinda good that I’m driving right now.

I chuckle at her remark. “You do realize that we know each other for a week now, right?”

“Stop the sass, Ashcroft, I’m well aware. But still, it feels like we know each other longer.” She nudges my shoulder lightly.

“I could live without knowing when you first got your period.” I start the car and wink at her.

And yes, she really told me that. Right after she told me that her mom died when she was little, so her father had to endure all those awkward moments alone with her, it almost reminded me of Amy. I mean she had to grow up without a dad, and the tomboy she is, she could’ve used a dad by her side.

We pull out of the parking lot and head towards our destination, obviously. I see her smiling at me in the corner of her eye.

“It was really nice this night, you know? I never really had that close of a friend, since, you know…” Oh yes, Hanna experienced a lot of death in her life, which is one of the reasons she was so helpless last night. She thought I was dying and she was completely sure she’s cursed. Anyway, in her junior year of high school, her best friend killed herself, I don’t know many details, she broke down completely when she told me. All I know was that they were like sisters and that after that, Hanna hadn’t been the same. I still don’t know what to do with this information.

“I feel like I can trust you, and it feels so good to have that feeling again. Even though we only know each other for a week.” It really feels weird hearing her say that. I can relate to it, I mean I couldn’t really trust anyone since Amy and I finally opened up about the whole relationship last night. Hanna suggested we have a “closure talk” so we maybe can be friends again. I like the idea, and I might suggest it to Amy.

“Yeah, I agree.” We finally get to Chipotle and go inside.

After we get our order we sit down and start eating. Hanna eyes me for a moment and she slightly tilts her head.

“How come you never talk about your ex boyfriend?”

Right, I told her about Liam when she asked me if I’m gay. “He’s not my ex boyfriend, it was nothing serious, just two buddies who occasionally had sex. That’s all. So there’s really not much to talk about.”

She narrows her eyes at me and suddenly she smirks. “So he must be real man candy, right? I mean he must have something if you put him before the girl of your dreams.”

I roll my eyes. “Amy is not the girl of my dreams, by the end of our relationship she was the girl of my nightmares.” Which is not completely true, but one fact made her that, so it’s not a complete lie. “And Liam is just a douchebag, I never put him before Amy, I just had some fun with him.” Oh well, you can’t really call it fun, it was more like a distraction from the pain and satisfaction for him, that he “turned a lesbian”. Fucking pretentious fuckboy.

“Oh okay, I didn’t know that. So did you guys end it when you went off to college?” Her head is still tilted, she looks a bit like a puppy, kinda cute.

“Why are we talking about this? Liam is an unimportant background artist in my life, so why waste time on discussing him?” I turn back to my food, trying to hide the fact that even thinking about him makes me more than aggressive.

Hanna just shrugs. “I guess we don’t have to talk about him.” Then she continues telling me about some girl that had this thing with the one girl, and then another girl … yeah … I know, really interesting.

But she got my mind wandering to a certain night.

* * *

_After Karma got a text from Liam she walked outside. He always parked 3 blocks from her house, they both didn’t want anyone to know what was going on between them. Well, Karma didn’t. Liam secretly told everyone, he treated Karma as a trophy, always trying to show her off wherever he was going, but never seeing her in private._

_She’s never even been to his house, whereas he found his way into her bedroom multiple times._

_For Karma this was pure rebound, she was actually really annoyed of him since the first pillow talk they had._

Can a guy be any more stupid? _She wondered._

_She liked brains, that was always one of the reasons why she adored Amy so much. Also, Amy always comforted her and made her more confident about herself. When she got into his car that night he rolled his eyes and pulled a face._

“ _God, like seriously, from far you’re so hot, how come you’re looking weird from up close? I never noticed that before.” Oh, what a gentleman._

“ _What do you want, Booker?” she asked, running a hand through her hair. If she was honest with herself, she would have to admit that he was hurting her. He was always hurting her, but she never ended things with him until that night._

_Every time he said something about her appearance or her mind, it got to her, she cried herself to sleep and she always told herself she deserved it, but this night he did something different. This time he did the one thing Karma could never forgive._

“ _I just wanted to go out and grab a drink, I mean after what just happened, I need to be seen with you.” Those words made Karma as much curious as angry._

“ _Why? What happened?” Did she really wanna know what happened? In hindsight she didn’t wanna know, but then on the other side, if he hadn’t done that, she would’ve never ended it with him._

“ _Oh, I just had a chat with your lovely Amy.” After Karma just frowned at him for a moment he continued. “She was out with her new girlfriend, or whatever, this punk chick she’s hanging out with lately, and she made a stupid comment about me.”_

_Karma frowned even more. “Well what did she say?”_

“ _Well, her girlfriend asked her who I was, apparently she looked at me weird or something, and she said that I was the pretentious asshole that ruined her chance of a happy ending. Like what the fuck does that even mean?” Karma had to hold herself back not to make a sarcastic comment, she couldn’t anyway. Amy’s words formed a lump in her throat and she suddenly felt like throwing up._

_She was supposed to be her happy ending? Her? Karma Ashcroft? Why? And if so, then why did Amy do what she did? Karma still couldn’t bare to think about it._

_After a moment she was able to find her voice again. “So, what did you do then?”_

“ _I told her off, we had a quick argument and that was it. After that I came here. I need a drink, can we go now?” He started the engine and drove off._

_But that wasn’t it. He didn’t tell her everything. The fight wasn’t simply over and one of the two woke up in the hospital._

* * *

After we were done eating we drove back to the dorms, Hanna had a study date with someone. She wouldn’t tell me who. She’s tutoring some kid, she has too much humility, I remember when I first met her she told me she wasn’t that good in school and everything.

But well, we arrive at the dorms and say goodbye.

“We’re gonna see each other tomorrow, right? Breakfast together again?” She gives me a quick hug.

“Sure,” I say, while we pull away. “Just no Mexican food again, maybe we can try some other place?” She just nods and heads to her building.

I arrive at my room and when I open it Amy sits at her desk and turns to me. “Welcome back, stranger. I hope you’re feeling better than yesterday.” She seems genuine, but I haven’t forgotten that the panic attack last night was her fault, and I’m not letting her off the hook that easily.

“I’m fine. Had fun last night and I guess, you too.” I raise an eyebrow at her.

“I had more fun this morning, getting the newest gossip from Lauren.” She rolls her eyes. But if she tells me that, she’s gonna tell me the gossip. And if she wants to tell me, it can’t be anything good, plus it’s probably someway related to me.

“Guess whose former boytoy is rumored to transfer to UT?”

Oh fuck no.


End file.
